Random thoughts for December

I’m feeling a bit strange lately, like I can’t quite wrap my head around the real world.  Probably because it’s becoming a pretty depressing place.  I’m trying to pull myself up though, and get back on my productivity kick.  Now that we are officially in a recession, I want to get more ambitious and try to drag my life forward in spite of things.  I’ve cut back on a lot of places in my life, lost a car to the repo man and am behind on several bills.  It’s things like this that make me just want to stand up and shout to the world, “I reject your reality and substitute my own!” 

We’re talking about doing very little for Christmas this year, other than reflecting on what it’s really supposed to be about, and enjoying family time together.  We get too caught up in the stress of the season and the commercialism, and racking up credit cards, and when we made the commitment to set all that aside, it was very refreshing.  We’re just thankful we’re still making our house payment for now, and hoping Santa will bring us our bailout.

I’m not very happy with the state of affairs at my day job.  I am a one man department, and it’s evolved into utter chaos.  Since I have some small illusion of being in charge of what goes on in my cubicle, I’ve decided to get my index cards out and re-define the policies and procedures I’m involved in.  We’re going to tie this sucker down, dammit!  It’s my mess, and I’m the only one who can clean it up.

I had a bit of an eye-opener in church last Sunday.  The pastor was speaking about carrying baggage and felt there was someone who was feeling a bit lost and aimless, and I felt as if he were speaking about me.  He sure described my life – holding on to a lot of garbage in the past that really doesn’t have anything to do with my life now.  Maybe it is time to put those bags down and walk away from them forever.

I’m currently the fattest human being I’ve ever been, and I don’t like it.  Mind over matter.  I need to start eating better and walking in the evenings again.

I’ve really been thinking a lot about my old job as an inker in the comics business, and pondering getting back into drawing again.  I love my 3D art, and will always continue with that, but I really want to pick up some comics again and make a stab at breaking back into the business.  My days working for Malibu Comics and on the Tick comics were the best in my career, and I’d love to get that satisfaction back again of doing exactly what I want to for a job.  I loved knocking out pages while thinking, “I can’t believe I get paid to do this.”  Going to the local comic shop every few weeks to see my work on the shelf.  Sitting at conventions and doing sketches and signing comics for the readers.  That was awesome.

And speaking of my 3D work, I’m wanting to get back to posting some more on renderosity.com and DeviantART.  I was doing good with building up a humble following, and now that we’re between holidays, I want to get more focused and dedicated.